LizLetters

Senator Byrd

Senator Robert C. Byrd
300 Virginia Street East, Suite 2630
Charleston, WV  25301

Dear Senator Byrd:

    Thank you for opposing the Patriot Act! I am not certain why my own dear senators in California are not resisting it as you are. If you run into one of them in the hall could you ask? They have been too busy to reply to my queries lately. 
    I do not mean to offend you, but I never thought I would write a thank-you letter to someone who was once a Klan member. You, however, are apparently quite willing to ‘fess up to mistakes and move on (unlike some commanders-in-chief!).
    How many people are standing up and saying that the Patriot Act basically cancels out the Bill of Rights? Not many, but you’re one of them.
    Can I apply for honorary residency in your state? I have never been anywhere near there, but I wouldn’t mind being a West Virginian voter!

Truly,

Liz Mann

Wal-Mart Bio-Dome

H. Lee Scott, Jr., CEO
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
Bentonville, Arkansas 72716-8611.

Dear Mr. Scott:

    I just read your speech to the United States’ governors in which you ask them to cut you a little slack with regards to the whole health care issue. It seems that a few public officials and their constituents are miffed that the states (and thus the taxpayers) have been stuck with the bill for Wal-Mart employees’ health care.
    Certainly health care in America is in a sorry state to begin with. And from your speech it seems as though the United States is letting you down with its shoddy educational system. Your employees are doing fine in entry-level positions, but do not have the education to move into higher-level jobs.
    I have a solution for your problems. You have already presented a program in which you plan to have clinics in your stores, which will offset a good deal of the health care costs for your employees and customers. You simply need to take this idea a little further. I propose a Wal-Mart Bio-Dome. You said in your speech that you are committed to sustainability. This is the perfect way to show it! It won’t be an actual bio-dome, of course, but people are very trusting, and I think if you call it a bio-dome, people will believe it is one.
    The main idea will be that you are providing for your employees so well, they will never have to leave! I understand that you ran into a bit of trouble a while back by not letting some employees leave at night, but this will be certain to redeem you in the public eye. You have food that the employees and their families can eat, you are installing clinics, and I’m sure you have something for them to sleep on. All you really need is to start up some schools. This way you can also provide the proper education to ensure your employees’ future success in the company (and their offspring!).
    Feel free to use my idea to any degree you wish. I only ask for a small plaque on the first aisle-marker that reads “school.” If you find this plan unworkable, I’m afraid you will have to resort to Wal-Mart prisons.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Prince Charles

Private Secretary to
Prince Charles
Clarence House
London SW1A 1BA
United Kingdom

Your Royal Highness:

    I hear that when you become king you will be expected to curb your letter writing and stop trying to influence politics. You are apparently supposed to allow your views to be censored. What do they think you’re going to be, the King of America? I know it would be a difficult decision, but I really think you should consider refusing the kingship if you can no longer write your “black spider” memos. Your signature assures visibility for issues that are extremely important but often fall under the radar, such as global warming and organic farming.
    If you have your heart set on being king, there may be other solutions. Perhaps you could adopt a pen name. Most folks would know who the letters are from; I’m sure your regular correspondents know your handwriting by now. But people might let it slide with a wink-wink-nudge-nudge.
    The only other route I can see is for you to switch over to crank phone calls from some neutral location such as a phone booth, provided you could slip away from you entourage for a few moments.
    Whatever you do, refuse to be silenced!

You Humble Servant,

Liz Mann

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

Morrissey
c/o True To You Magazine
PMB 266
831 Beacon Street
Newton Centre, MA 02459-9100

Dear Morrissey,

    Now the F.B.I. has gone too far, quizzing you, of all people, on the grounds that you called United States President Bush a terrorist. All the while Bono is hanging around the White House shaking the President’s hand! That must really get you chapped. I cannot fathom why they would choose to pick on you, unless it has something to do with your music. Perhaps someone noticed that on your latest album there is a song called “America Is Not the World.” But if they listened to it, of course, they would hear you say that you love America! Alas, they did not.
    You may have to play a concert for the troops to get yourself out of this pickle and off any no-fly lists to which you may have been added. I bet the local folks in Baghdad would enjoy a surprise concert at a small venue as well. Take good care, Moz. I do hope you and Bono aren’t having a row. He could probably help you out with this.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Pig Castration

Adrianne Jones, AgriScience Department
Rosamond High School
2925 Rosamond Blvd.
Rosamond, CA 93560

Dear Ms. Jones,

    You have probably received a number of letters from animal rights activists recently in response to the news story about you castrating a live pig in front of your class without anesthesia. The story reminded me of my own high school biology class, in which I learned we were to dissect a preserved baby pig. I skipped class that day, and I am quite certain I did not miss anything that I would have used later in life. I would have been very upset to witness a surprise pig castration. However, as your school has an AgriScience department,it seems as though the procedure may be relevant to the students’ future professions.
    I am personally against eating, wearing, or causing suffering to animals. I realize that these practices are not likely to end in the United States any time soon. My hope is that as a result of witnessing the realities of how animals are treated, some of your students will be inspired to come up with more humane practices and work toward seeing them widely used.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Velvet Acid Christ

Bryan Erickson, of Velvet Acid Christ
c/o Metropolis Records
P.O. Box 54307
Philadelphia, PA  19105

Dear Mr. Erickson,

    I just became aware of you and your music today, and this discovery came about in a somewhat strange and roundabout way. I was reading about a local murder, and apparently the suspect, a young man by the name of Scott Dyleski, killed a woman and carved a symbol in her back that happens to be similar to a symbol in the liner notes of one of a Velvet Acid Christ album. I do not mean to bring up an upsetting subject, and I am certainly not casting any blame in your direction. It isn’t quite clear to me whether or not anyone involved in the case was trying to connect your music to the crime. They simply noted that there was a box set of your band in the suspect’s room.
    The reason I am writing to you is because once I investigated your band for myself, I became your newest fan. I admire anyone who can pull off being a vegan, and you are managing to go full-on straight edge!
    I was slightly troubled by a quote from your web site in which you say that you are against “violence towards women and animals.” I am also an advocate of feminist ideals and animal rights, but it does women a disservice to categorize women and animals in the same group. It implies that these are the beings that are helpless and need protection. Certainly it is often necessary for a woman who is being subjected to domestic violence to have resources available to help her out of that situation. Animals, however, are helpless to defend themselves against humans, and need a different kind of protection and representation.
    I do not purchase compact discs very often, and I try to play music that appeals to my 18-month old daughter. Do you think you will ever come out with an album of children’s music?

Truly,

Liz Mann

Philip Pullman

Philip Pullman
c/o Random House, Inc.
Children’s Knopf Publicity Group
1745 Broadway
10th Floor
New York, NY 10019

Dear Mr. Pullman,

    I recently read the list you compiled of ten books you think every child should read. It is quite a bit more reasonable than the one Mr. Andrew Motion, the poet laureate, formed. Even after going through undergraduate and graduate programs in English I haven’t read half of the books on his list! Please don’t let that color your opinion on American higher education.
    Last year I taught a course on children’s literature and I must admit that previous to that I did not know an extraordinary amount about the genre. As tends to happen when one teaches, however, I learned a great deal, and I wholeheartedly agree with your assertion that myths and fairy tales are an important element in anyone’s reading regimen.
    Your list got me thinking about what books I would put on a must-read list. I think it would have to include the following:
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll
Higglety, Pigglety, Pop! or There Must Be More to Life, by Maurice Sendak
The Amazing Bone, by William Steig
Just So Stories, by Rudyard Kipling
The Complete Beatrix Potter
The Wind in the Willows, by Kenneth Grahame
Bud, Not Buddy, by Christopher Paul Curtis
    Okay, that’s not ten. But there are also the books that aren’t necessarily children’s books but everyone should read before they leave school, such as Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 and Toni Morrison’s Beloved. I agree with your inclusion of Shakespeare as well.
    I meant to drop you a line a few years back. I was working at a book store, and the staff had a wide variety of tastes in books. Your “Dark Materials” trilogy was the only thing we all adored.
    So I trust your judgment. I am now going to go and read all of the texts on your recommendation list. Better late than never!

Your Humble Servant,

Liz Mann

John Roberts

Chief Justice John Roberts
Supreme Court of the United States
Washington, DC 20543

Dear Chief Justice Roberts:

    How are you enjoying the new job? I was pleasantly surprised to read that you and the Court ruled that the United States government can not prevent a religious group from imbibing hallucinogenic tea. It is very encouraging to see that you do not subscribe to the Bush administration’s “zero tolerance” approach in regards to “illicit” drugs.
    What do you think about the coca eradication program in South America? I am guessing that the Supreme Court has little to do with international affairs, but if you happen to be having tea with someone in the Bush administration who has some sway over such matters, perhaps you could put in a word for the religious and cultural relevance of the use of coca leaves.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Amtrak

David Hughes, CEO
Amtrak
60 Massachusetts Ave., NE
Washington, DC 20002

Dear Mr. Hughes:

    I recently read about an Amtrak employee, Rebecca Gettleman, who was fired for being “accident prone.” She was injured while assisting an inebriated passenger with maneuvering the stairs. Granted, she has apparently had some other mishaps, but from the way they were described in the article I read, these “priors” were for the most part not her fault.
    To her credit, Ms. Gettleman displayed compassion and behaved like a true samaritan in attempting to prevent injury in another. She certainly could have stood at her post and let the Fates take care of the gentleman. Perhaps she didn’t care much about the man after all. She may have simply been acting in the best interest of the company she works for, not wanting a customer to injure himself and sue Amtrak when she could possibly prevent it.
    Either way, I don’t believe this woman is a liability to your organization. I hope that you will review her case looking at all of the factors involved and not simply the statistics on paper.

Truly,

Liz Mann

To:      lizletters@earthlink.net
From:     Rebecca
Subject:        Amtrak employee fired

Dear Liz,
I am the Rebecca Gettleman in question of your letter dated Feb 20th 
this year.  I cannot tell you how touched I am that a total stranger 
has gone out of her way to do a small thing that means so much.
Just to keep you informed, my appeal was Feb 23rd and they have until 
Apr 23rd to come down with a decision.  They are taking their time!
Maybe Matier and Ross will do a follow up after the decision, we'll see.
I believe anyone in the same position as me that evening would have 
done the same thing as me.  I could not risk watching a young man die 
in front of me knowing I may have been able to prevent it.
Thank you very kindly.
Rebecca


Hi Rebecca,

You're welcome! It is a treat to get an e-mail from you. I think you are the first
person who is "involved" in one of the issues I've written about to discover
my site online. Do you mind if I post your e-mail message as a "reply"?
(It's okay if you'd rather I didn't). I'm curious, too -- how did Matier and Ross
hear about your predicament?
Good luck and take care.

Liz

Liz, I do not mind at all if you post my reply. Thank you again.
I do not who tipped off Andy Ross, he just called me one day out of 
the blue! Surely someone I know, but I'll probably never know.
Rebecca

Women's Health

Dr. Marcia L. Stefanick
c/o Stanford Prevention Research Center
Hoover Pavilion, Room N229
211 Quarry Road
Stanford, CA 94305-5705

Dear Dr. Stefanick,

    I read about your recent study on women’s health. It is amazing that the human body is still such a mystery to science in 2006! Even the things we do know about women’s health are misunderstood, with so many women believing that breast cancer is the top killer of women, when heart disease actually is.
    I am at an age where I need to be making better decisions about my health than when I was in my twenties. I am also trying to make healthy choices for my one-year-old daughter. I see from your study, as well as from various recent news stories, that there’s debate over the effectiveness of calcium supplements. In researching about how much, if any, cow’s milk I ought to be giving my daughter, I came upon an interesting web site, milksucks.com, that seems to claim that milk is not the best source of calcium, and diets that rely on animal protein sources cause the human body to absorb less calcium. The site has interesting information, although the more I look online, the less I trust any one individual information source.
    I am curious about which sources you, as a medical researcher, trust the most. You are aware, I am sure, about how studies can be skewed to favor one’s desired findings. Agricultural and pharmaceutical companies have lobbyists in Washington, and some companies even send doctors cash and other “incentives.” It’s a sorry state of affairs when you can’t trust your doctor!
    Keep up the good work. In the meantime, I’ll trust my instincts.

Truly,

Liz Mann