Vice President Dick Cheney
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
Dear Mr. Cheney:
Finally, the ruckus has died down after the late night television hosts got the jokes about your shooting incident out of their systems. Now it seems as though you are ready to go on the comedy circuit yourself! I saw a bit of your speech where you claim that if the Democrats are competent you should be singing on “American Idol” (your Rodney Dangerfield shoulder shrugs added a nice jokey flair).
All you need now is a prop. Your first impulse might tell you a cigar would be a good choice. Let me advise you against that one. Most of your quail-shooting Republican cronies would probably think it was a gas, but the general public is beginning to sour on tobacco use. You could have a hand-held microphone in your pocket and burst into song at odd moments, but it’s “been done” by Ashcroft.
Maybe a prop is not the best thing for your act after all. Physical humor always gets a crowd going. Every once in a while you ought to stumble and clutch your chest. When the Secret Service guys descend upon you, just say “Gotcha!”. Easy as pie. The best thing will be that the Democrats will just be sitting there staring. Your humor will go right over their heads. That’s how we win wars!
Truly,
Liz Mann
