Senator Orrin G. Hatch
8402 Federal Building
125 South State Street
Salt Lake City, UT 84138
Dear Senator Hatch:
Thanks for proposing the amendment to ban flag-burning again. After four years I had nearly forgotten how terrible flag-burning is. You have also reminded me of what a swell party the Republicans have. On this fourth of July, I have some flag-related questions for you, as I would not want to make any mistakes and desecrate a great symbol.
I went to a celebration at my local park today, and they were handing out countless little plastic flags. It was quite a sight to see: hundreds of citizens of all ages eagerly shaking their flags (the flags were to small to really “wave”). It would have been even better if the flags had imprinted on them “made in the U S of A” rather than “Made in China,” but I know that’s asking a lot.
I would like to know the proper procedure for storing, displaying and eventually disposing of my small plastic flag. It has been dropped on the ground (and swiftly picked up) a couple of times. Is it necessary to melt it? Will there be a specific prohibition against malicious flag-melting in your amendment?
Also, what is your official stance on eating the flag? I certainly would not eat my plastic flag, but I saw the most delicious-looking recipe by Martha Stewart for cookies decorated like the American flag. Is there a proper way to eat them? If you are intending to outlaw these cookies, please do not make Martha the poster-woman for your agenda. She’s done her time. In fact, forget I brought her into this.
I will suspend all action in regard to my flag until I hear from you.
Truly,
Liz Mann
