LizLetters

More Trouble In The Manger

Ron Wesselius
c/o Van Dorm Realty, Inc.
1530-F Black Lake Blvd. SW
Olympia WA 98502

Dear Mr. Wesselius,

    I wonder if you are as amazed as I am at how many news items are appearing regarding controversial holiday displays. You are all too aware, I am sure, of the tree fiasco at your airport. And now you yourself are in the news after suggesting that a crèche be displayed at the Capitol after a menorah was allowed.
    While crèches in general do not particularly thrill me, I agree that the addition of one would balance out any implication that one religion’s symbols were being favored. I say this because the trees currently on display could arguably be considered pagan symbols.
    I would not be surprised, however, if the reason that your request was denied is simply that officials have seen what sorts of trouble these nativity scenes are causing around the world. In Italy Ikea is under threat of a boycott simply for not carrying the items. In Chicago, dozens of baby Jesuses (Jesusi?) were stolen but later turned up, only a large scale example of thefts that have been occurring across the nation. I only just learned that in Spain (and who knows where else) a figure of a defecating peasant is a popular addition to the scene. I imagine the folks at the capital may simply be avoiding having to make the decision about whether or not to include that one.
    The whole crèche thing simply worries me. The outdoor ones are open to vandals, and the ones small enough to have indoors may give youngsters the idea that Jesus, Mary, and the gang are toys. I wonder how many of them have taken rides in Barbie’s car. And is there a baby seat for Jesus? No! This could really get out of hand. Maybe we should just leave it at candles and trees after all.

Truly,

Liz Mann

The Intern Also Rises

Monica Lewinsky, Student
c/o London School of Economics
LSE
Houghton Street
London WC2A 2AE
UK

Dear Ms. Lewinsky,

    Congratulations on earning your master’s degree at the London School of Economics! You have flown under the radar for quite some time now, which seems more and more difficult these days. I did not follow your situation in the news very closely way back when (I am among those who felt that we simply needed to “move on”), but I did catch word of your entrepreneurship, making a line of handbags and launching a television show.
    While so many high-profile people seem to get more and more desperate and, feeling that they have no other place in the world than in the public eye, have a very public downfall, you managed to keep a low profile and accomplish something you can be proud of. You thus have more options ahead of you than a stint on “The Surreal Life” (although I would make my way to a television to watch that).
    You have most likely been on the receiving end of some correspondence from those who feel the need to tell you all about yourself, but I just wanted to drop you a note saying that I admire you for managing to rise above it.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Reined In And Reigning

Tara Conner, “Miss USA”
c/o The Miss Universe Organization
1370 Avenue of the Americas
16th Floor
New York, NY 10019

Dear Miss Conner,

 

    Congratulations on getting to keep your crown! Of course, you will have to be on your best behavior, but the end of your reign is in site, after which you can break out the bubbly and celebrate! You probably will not wish to get quite so wild as Britney Spears has been lately, but I hear her drink of choice is champagne and cola. Never tried it but it sounds tasty!
    Ah, if only you had been partying here on our coast, folks would not have tattled on you for letting loose a bit. They say it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission, and while Mr. Trump showed you generous forgiveness, San francisco is the land of permission. Even the mayor’s girlfriend reportedly engages in underage drinking, to the response of a few raised eyebrows.
    Although you apparently went from Kentucky to New York, from your bio I gather that you are no stranger to the rigors of pageants. A wallflower you are not. But your schedule has certainly been grueling. I don’t know what sort of lifestyle you were accustomed to before, but what twenty year old can be thrown into the kind of life you’ve had over the past eight months while residing in New York city, and not go out and party at some point? I bet Kelly Ripa’s danced on a table or two! Good luck in the future.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Digging Your Own Fence

United States Attorney Carol Lam
U.S. Attorney's Office Southern District of California
Federal Office Building
880 Front Street, Room 6293
San Diego, California 92101-8893

Dear Ms. Lam:

    In a recent criminal case that has some elements of irony, it seems that a company in charge of building a fence along the U.S.-Mexico border is being charged with hiring undocumented workers. You are quoted as saying that jail time is being sought in this case because of the “size of the company” and “the amount of fraud.” I am glad to hear that the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency would not be so small as to seek harsher punishments for these defendants simply because of something so petty as public humiliation of their agency and blatant exposure of a failure in the basic fundamentals of the United States’ immigration enforcement strategies.
    I hope that you at first gave these employers the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they had a plan all along to hold these undocumented workers up as an example and teach them a lesson. The company would string the workers along with promise of full pay upon completion of the project. Once the fence was almost done, they may have strategized to make sure the workers in question were on the “other” side of the fence. Then, like Montresor sealing up Fortunado in the vault in Poe’s “Cask of Amontillado,” they would wave to the workers over the fence as they welded it tight, admiring the impenetrable fence-ness of their fence.
    Alas, I may be naive as to their intentions. But since this is unusually harsh punishment, maybe they will get decent treatment while behind bars. No strangers to hard work, they will undoubtedly seek employment and strive to move up in the ranks. They could quickly earn  spots on the kitchen crew. Maybe even as guards.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Careers For Crones

Mae Laborde
c/o Steve Lopez
Los Angeles Times
202 W. 1st St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Dear Ms. Laborde,

    Just wanted to drop you a note to say you’re an inspiration. I love to read about folks who begin a new career when most others their age have long since retired. I read about your budding acting career and how you burst onto the scene at age 93.
    Americans are so obsessed with careers and achieving success at a young age. I do not consider myself to be especially competitive, but since I currently spend most of my time as a stay-at-home mom, I fall into the mentality that I am missing something by not focusing on a career. Stories such as yours remind me that the “rat race” is not always the rule, and that I can indeed put off my Hollywood career for a few more decades.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Canning The Carillon

Cynthia Kata, Borough Warden
Town of Griswold
28 Main Street
Jewett City, CT 06351

Dear Ms. Kata,

    I have found that I’m less grumpy about Christmas this year than usual. I generally become annoyed with the consumerism that runs rampant for about a month each year, and am glad when things return to “normal” in January. I think my newfound tolerance of all things Yule can be attributed to my daughter. She is two, and at a perfect age to enjoy the lights, decorations and music without yet understanding the concept of Presents. So she’s enjoying it for what it is and I have decided to do the same. The tunes can be annoying but are catchy and feed nostalgia. The egg nog and fruitcake are yummy. We celebrate a wise man’s birthday. Seems all right to me.
    So I am surprised when I read about how uptight everyone else seems to be these days. Young carolers were told to put a lid on it in Riverside, California so they would not offend a skater of a different religion. Christmas trees were taken down (and later put back up) at the Seattle airport when someone asked for equal representation for other religions’ symbols and the airport feared a lawsuit.
    Now a group of atheists wants you to pull the plug on your church bells. I must admit that although I enjoy the sound of bells echoing from a belfry, I might also find amplified canned bell music annoying. I would have to hear it to say for sure. But it seems that the music is generally accepted by your community, and that these few who are speaking out simply object to the Christmas theme rather than to the sound. Maybe they feel that this music is a subliminal attempt to call them into the Christian faith. Maybe they just feel left out. Whatever it is that’s making them grumpy, I think they’re being a bit extreme in their request. Christmas is simply too much a part of American culture to resist. And even if it did not exist, a shopkeeper would certainly have to invent it.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Have You Hugged Your ATC?

Ian Gregor, FAA Public Affairs Contact
Federal Aviation Administration Western-Pacific Region
15000 Aviation Boulevard
Hawthorne, CA 90261

Dear Mr. Gregor:

    I have seen several brief news items over the past few months about near-misses at airports. This is bound to happen once in a while, considering the vast number of planes that take off and land each day. Just recently, as you know, in nearby San Jose, there was a close call that was the result of the fatigue of an air traffic controller.
    Your own comments as quoted in the local news come across as almost callous. Three of the controllers employed at SJC were out sick from fumes to which they were exposed at the work site. You are quoted as saying: “Other people stayed and worked their shifts. Because these three controllers have taken all this time off, other controllers have had to work overtime to make up for them.” You seem to be blaming the victims here.
    As I looked into this matter I became troubled at the apparent rift between the FAA and the air traffic controllers themselves. On the web site for the National Air Traffic Controllers Association there are accounts of the FAA’s inadequate response to problems such as understaffing and other safety issues. On the FAA’s site, there is mention of grand plans to increase staffing over the next ten years, but part of the description of the plan for progress is troubling, for your organization apparently plans to “manage costs” by doing things such as reducing Worker’s Compensation and overtime costs, and have shorter training times. This provides little comfort. If workers such as those in San Jose are sustaining illness or injury on the job, I would expect them to be paid and compensated (they are reportedly not currently receiving pay or worker’s comp). Shorter training times sounds simply like a cut corner that could lead to disaster.
    I have immense respect for the women and men who perform such important work. They invisibly orchestrate safe passage for thousands each day. There is no excuse for allowing a situation to develop in which these people are working ten hour shifts. I hope that any petty differences between the bureaucracy and the workforce can be set aside, if nothing else then for the interest of public safety.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Baby's Book Of Shadows

The Witches’ League For Public Awareness
P.O. Box 909
Rehoboth, Massachusetts  02769

Dear Madam or Sir:

    I recently read about yet another case in which a parent is attempting to have the Harry Potter books banned from her child’s school because they supposedly make witchcraft attractive to children. According to the report, the Atlanta, Georgia mother claims the books are part of an attempt to “indoctrinate children in witchcraft.”
    As a mother of a two year old girl, I have a different problem. I would like to indoctrinate my child in witchcraft but I do not know the proper way to go about it! Although I have yet to read Rowling’s popular series, I get the impression that all the talk about the damage its contents can cause is, as they say, just so much “hooey.” Not that the books do not provide quality reading material, but I wouldn’t imagine that they are really the place to start for a kid’s intro to witchcraft. Others have observed that television shows such as “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” have attracted youngsters to the occult.
    I would like to preempt my child’s inevitable exposure to skewed representations of witchcraft, for, as you and your organization already know, it is so widely misunderstood. I have yet to come across a copy of “Madeline Joins a Coven.” Any ideas?

Truly,

Liz Mann

Anytown, Tanzania

Sauti Ya Siti Magazine
c/o Tanzania Media Women's Association (TAMWA)
PO Box 8981, Mkunguni Street, Dar es Salaam
Tanzania

Dear Madam or Sir:

    I learned of your publication through a story about Ms. Agnes Mbuyamajuu. She reportedly went to police after being beaten by her husband and was asked for money in order to “transport” the suspect. The fact that she is now speaking out about the police corruption she encountered and the lack of assistance available for women in her situation will, I hope, help to create a climate in which women will receive swifter justice in the future.
    Much of the news that reaches the U.S. about the women of Africa focuses on the victims of rape and other acts of violence in the context of war. Whether a result of domestic violence or a broader conflict, attacks on women seem to be almost commonplace. But as Natalie Bennett writes in the Guardian, these women are not victims due to their own weakness. A huge obstacle in preventing this violence and obtaining justice is deeply rooted in the culture.
    This is not to say that municipalities in Africa are more susceptible to corruption than anywhere else. I believe that globally we are slow to bridge a perceived cultural divide between African nations and Western nations. As more stories come out like Ms. Mbuyamajuu’s, of women who are claiming their own agency and fighting a personal battle that is familiar to women in every nation, we may experience increased awareness of the true experience of women in Africa.
    I am curious as to whether this particular woman’s case is evidence that women are generally finding more opportunities to stand up for themselves and try to effect change. I am glad to see that there are apparently many organizations in Tanzania devoted to advocating for women. Your publication reportedly might run a special issue on the various forms of violence against women. I hope that with the wide network of which you are a part, women indeed take advantage of and have access to these resources.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Pack Your Water Wings

Terry Prather, General Manager
Six Flags America
P.O. Box 4210
Largo, Maryland 20775

Dear Mr. Prather:

    I am writing to make sure that you are not missing a once in a lifetime opportunity for your company. You may have heard the news that there is new evidence of water on Mars. Not just ice, but liquid water! You must act now to stake your claim to the area surrounding the site where water was purportedly spotted. I do not know exactly how to go about acquiring Martian real estate, but you must have some people working for you who could arrange it. Mars is crying out for a water park and Six Flags is the company to put it there.
    Everyone is in a big hurry to get a moon base built. While there is no clear answer about why this is, what better reason is there for doing something than being the first to do it? We may have to wait a few years before the average fun-seeking family can get to Mars with any ease. But that should not stop you from drawing up the plans for your parking lot.

Truly,

Liz Mann