Paul S. Michaels, President
Mars, Inc.
6885 Elm Street
McLean, VA 22101
Dear Mr. Michaels:
I am heartened to see that there is a company out there (yours) that has decided not to follow the herd in catering to the California liberals and their ilk. Auto makers are all coming out with fancy “energy efficient” cars, Wal-Mart is purportedly stocking organic items, and celebrities are giving up the furs they so richly deserve to have wrapped around their necks.
You, however, understand that real Americans drive big trucks and eat lots of candy bars. And just as it takes some bloodshed to keep that gasoline pumping through those trucks, some newborn calves must give their lives and stomach contents for the greater good: the manufacturing of delicious candy! While so many other companies are pandering and trying to be politically “correct”, you are making it clear that your customers are neither homosexual nor vegetarian. You put the word “Snickers” on everyone’s lips with your ad in which two virile, manly men accidentally kiss and then undo the damage by pulling hair off their chests. Now you’re making people think “meat” (as in good old American meat and potatoes) by putting the animal product rennet back in your candy bars.
I am also happy to see that you so explicitly define the different genders between the M&Ms characters, Green being the sexy siren that she is. There is one problem, though. When I actually purchase a pack of M&Ms, the candies themselves appear somewhat androgynous, and that creeps me out a little bit. The girls are missing their pouty lips and eyelashes. It just seems wrong. Also, I think it might send a better message to kids if there was only one color candy in each bag. You might be inadvertently encouraging diversity or, heaven forbid, homosexuality as Skittles does with their “Taste the Rainbow” slogan.
If yours is not already the official candy of the White House, it should be; you represent what a true American candy manufacturer ought to be.
Truly,
Liz Mann


