LizLetters

Tiff Over A Skiff

Mark Morice
3312 Napoleon Ave.
New Orleans, LA 70125

Dear Mr. Morice,

    I am amazed almost daily at the ridiculous things people sue each other over. The lawsuit against you falls into this category. Apparently you commandeered a neighbor’s boat during hurricane Katrina and rescued scores of people. Since you abandoned the boat instead of carefully placing it back where you found it, your neighbor is suing you! YOu seem to be the only one in this equation displaying any integrity. I imagine many people would feel pride in having some role (albeit a passive one) in the rescue effort. Rather than counting himself lucky to have retained what he has among the countless people who lost everything, your neighbor is looking for someone to blame.
    I hope your neighbor does not make you regret your noble actions. This is simply proof that no good deed goes unpunished.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Siderodromophobia

Chief Engineer Ray Pimlott
Redwood Valley Railway
c/o East Bay Regional Park District
2950 Peralta Oaks Court
P.O. Box 5381
Oakland, CA 94605

Dear Mr. Pimlott,

    I was happy to see that there is a piece about yopu and the steam train in the Oakland Tribune. I was just at the train a few days ago with my daughter, waxing nostalgic about riding the train myself as a child many years ago.
    I have a dilemma that perhaps you have some insight into. I have taken my daughter on the steam trains a couple of times, but the last time we rode she cried, and the other day she did not want to ride. She seems to have developed a bit of a phobia of trains. This was exacerbated, I believe, by a recent incident where we were fairly near a full size train and she was startled by the loud noise.
    Otherwise she is just as fascinated with trains as the average two year old. She loves stories and songs about trains, and toy trains, and can pick up a train whistle from miles away. She likes to wave to trains (including the steam train) but would not even approach the mini locomotive while it was not moving.
    I figure she will get over this at some point. Or maybe she won’t, and that’s fine too. I just would never have expected it. As someone who has seen thousands of kids ride the train in Tilden, do you think this is a common phenomenon? Any tips on helping her get over her fear?
    Thanks for helping to keep one of the best things in the Bay Area going!

Truly,

Liz Mann

Of Dogs And Mermen

Michael Bradley
P.O. Box 97035
149 Roncesvalles Avenue
Toronto, Canada M6R 3L0

Dear Mr. Bradley,

    I happened to find your site somewhat by accident after stumbling on a story about a wild creature you recently hit with your car, which you reportedly speculated may have been a live specimen of the mythical creature wendingo. I am unfamiliar with your work, but the story made me curious as to what your theories might be regarding other so-called mythical creatures. After all, isn’t it a matter of time before someone driving home after a night of margaritas in Tijuana slams into a chupacabra?
    The secrets of nature’s mysteries are becoming clearer ever day. I could cover a wall with the jackalope postcards I have glanced at in greasy-spoon lobbies across the Pacific Northwest. Now it looks like the creatures may have been actual jackrabbits with growths caused by the disease papilloma (for which there is now, thankfully, a vaccine). This information shattered some illusions for me, and I am looking to have my faith restored. My impression is that there in Canada, you have a greater appreciation for these lesser-seen fauna such as wendingos. I was in a natural history museum there when I was eight or so, and saw a completely convincing skeleton of a merman (who was, surprisingly, only about the size of a cat).
    Here’s to the continued search for the meaning of it all, and to safe driving, too!

Truly,

Liz Mann

Getting Wild In Kentucky

Mike Dixon
c/o Hazard Community College
Psychology Department
One Community College Drive
Hazard, Kentucky  41701

Dear Mr. Dixon:

    My original intent in writing to you today was to tell you that I admire your decision to cease cutting your lawn. I find, however, that I need to request clarification from you regarding information that has been put forth in a news article about you.
    The Associated Press insists that you are the mayor of Blackey, Kentucky. On the Letcher County web site, however, one Mark Stone is listed as mayor. I also could not find definitive information confirming that you are an instructor at HCC. I will suspend all disbelief, however, and assume for now that you are indeed who the press reports you to be.
    I can appreciate the message you are sending by letting your lawn “go wild.” Time is too fleeting to waste it trying to groom green grass so that it looks just like the grass in front of the house next door. It appears that the unkempt state of your yard has attracted the local wild creatures as well.
    I would like to suggest that you use this opportunity to raise the Kentucky citizenry’s awareness of another ecological approach to landscaping. You could commit a portion of your yard to native plants, demonstrating that folks not only can free themselves of the burden of commitment to their lawns, but help restore the natural integrity of Kentucky’s fauna. This would require more of a time commitment on your part than you may have wanted to devote to your yard, but I believe it would be a service to your community. If you contact the Native Plant Society, I am sure they can get you started.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Father's Day

Dad
Boise, Idaho

Dear Dad,

    Happy Father’s Day!! I have been waxing nostalgic about your dad-ness, or rather, your diddy-ness, as I called you diddy (as well as diddums) years before rapper P-Diddy adopted the moniker.
    I have many fond memories of special occasions, such as our camping trips with the “Indian Princesses” (not the most politically-correct name, perhaps, but a good time was had by all), and our trip to New York a few years ago. Many of my best memories, however, are of the daily here and there: hanging out on the CCAC campus, driving around on errands. I guess I have inherited your appreciation for the mundane. I don’t know why I remember learning to punch the ATM buttons before I could reach them -- well, I learned later that it’s more fun when it’s not your own card. I even enjoyed the sweltering drives from California to Idaho in the summers, and sleeping overnight in the car on the drive to Canada. I could tell that you liked being a dad, and I appreciated that.
    It’s fabulous to see you and Mom enjoying retirement so much, and cranking out the paintings. I also love seeing how much you have gotten into being grandparents. We are all looking forward to seeing you again soon.

Love, 

Liz

Wearing Your Will

Mary Wohlford
212 4^th Ave NE
Dyersville, IA 52040

Dear Ms. Wohlford,

I found the story of your recent tattoo quite inspiring. I have heard friends joke about their tattoos and how in fifty years they will regret having gotten them. Meanwhile here you are at age eighty getting “do not resuscitate” emblazoned across your chest! I hope your story reaches everyone who might doubt that an octogenarian has innovative ideas. Not only have you gone under the needle, your design choice is much more “hard-core” than the burliest battleship. If only you had traveled to Oklahoma – your tattoo may have been the first after they became the last state to make tattoos legal!

Your story raises awareness not only of what our nation’s older citizens are up to, but also the lengths to which we must go in order to protect our rights to make decisions about our own bodies and lives. I read that even with your tattoo a doctor is not likely to follow your directions without additional documents. This is a wake-up call for everyone, regardless of age, that we must make certain that our wishes are recorded in one form or another.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Mother's Day

Mom
Boise, Idaho

Dear Mom,

    Today is my second Mother’s Day as a mom. Last year I had already gained an appreciation of all you did for me and what you went through as a mother. I am discovering that the appreciation only grows. While I can’t remember much about my first couple of years, I can’t help but think of my own childhood as I spend time with K. As I’d heard would happen, I sometimes hear your voice coming out of my mouth. It’s kind of creepy.
    It wasn’t until I stopped to think about it that I realized how many aspects of my life are influenced by you. For example, I believe that my preference for walking as a mode of transportation has its origins in walking to town with you, or to the library or the park. One of my fondest memories is when we would dig the little bags of stale bread out of the kitchen drawer and take them to the park. We would feed the ducks at the pond, but if it was just before or after a storm, there would be a large number of seagulls there taking refuge inland. We would throw pieces of bread straight up into the air and the gulls would take off and fly in a circle over our heads like a floating carousel. They caught the bread in their beaks in midair, which I thought was fascinating.
    I want to help create good memories for K. I try to remember being small, to imagine what the world is for her. She takes everything in from a vantage point of looking up. Some of the best memories, I think, come from a moment when the big person beside you is looking up too.

I love you,

Liz

More Doppelgangers

Bob Andelman
St. Petersburg Times
490 First Avenue South
St. Petersburg, FL 33701

Dear Mr. Andelman,

    I learned of your plight today, and am writing to suggest a solution that you may not have considered, but could prove quite lucrative. In your article describing how you look very much like alleged terrorism supporter Sami Al-Aran, you write about the annoyance it has caused, and the trouble you expect in the future. You could be making this work for you! I am currently attempting to break into the celebrity look-alike business, and I think you should consider it as well. You just need to find your niche market. I bet there are plenty of good-humored folks in Washington who would like to send a colleague a singing telegram with a famous face. All you need is a bit of a tan.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Woman in Prison 3

Christy Marie Camp
W-32687
D1-10-02L
VSPW
P.O. Box 92
Chowchilla, CA 93610-0092

Dear Christy,

    Thanks for the letter and photo. Thanks also for sending the copy of your book! Your account of life for women in prison is very moving. I see that, as you mentioned, much of it is online on web sites such as Cell Door Magazine. I have printed out a couple of pages from my site so you can see what it looks like. That’s basically what people see, plus copies of your letters, which my printer did not print out for some reason. I am enclosing a copy of an e-mail a friend sent to the governor asking him to grant you clemency. I’m also sending a copy of another prison-related letter I sent out.
    After reading your description of prisons and the prison system, I feel that I have a much better idea of what life is like “inside” than before. But it also brings up more questions, which I won’t bombard you with all at once. It is fascinating to get a detailed account of the experience of prison life, along with insightful commentary and conclusions from someone who is going through the experience. You wrote: “A woman doing days count hours, a woman doing months counts days, a woman doing years counts months, a woman doing life counts breaths.”
    You talk about the effect of prison on prisoners as well as on those who work in prisons. It reminded me of the Stanford Prison Experiment of 1971 in which some young men were put into a mock prison situation, some as prisoners and some as guards, randomly, and they took their roles to heart to say the least. Have you heard/read about it?
    I would like to send you something to thank you for going to the trouble of mailing me a copy of your book. I am not sure what you would want or need, or what you are allowed to have. The document about mailing things, on the VSPW web site, is more than 20 pages long, so I figured I would just check with you about it before wading through all the rules. Can you receive books if they are mailed from a book store?
    In your last letter you asked what a “SAHM” is. It’s a stay-at-home-mom, the latest politically-correct version of what used to be “housewife” and then was “homemaker.” 
    You mentioned that you have a parole hearing in June. Do you need to prepare for that? What is involved?
    Sorry it took me a little while to write back to you. I went on a road trip to visit my parents in Idaho and I wanted to read your book before writing.
    Take care.

Truly,

Liz Mann

Benched

William Schramm
5110 Latimer Street
West Bloomfield, MI 48324

Dear Mr. Schramm,

    A story about you in today’s news elicited my sympathies. My initial reaction was to write to the judge and let him know I thought he was being too harsh on you, making you sit in the courthouse hallway for the duration of a trial simply for supposedly lying to get out of jury duty. Not that the judge would be swayed by the opinion of some stranger from another state. But who among us would not lie to get out of jury duty under some circumstances? And how could you have proved that you were not lying if what you are accused of lying about is your opinion? It is quite a Kafka-esque situation you are in.
    The judge told you that you are not allowed to read. I am curious about the extent of the rules he specified for you. Are you allowed to talk to people? If so, you could conduct a sort of informal salon in the hallway. People could come visit you and discuss whatever is meaningful to them. Or you could simply hold a forum and espouse your personal philosophies. If you feel that your philosophies do not warrant an audience, you could try  meditating. You might even gain enlightenment before the trial ends!
    Whatever you do, I hope you can make the best of your situation.

Truly,

Liz Mann